Below is one big lesson I have come to learn recently. It is something which truly did hit me like a bus. It ricochet in my being. It made me realise where I was not showing up for myself; but in the world and within my relationships.
Before I start, let me ask you; what perspective do you take, when faced with a difficult situation. Do you view this through your own lens, offer compassion for the other, or do you look at the relationship as a whole?
We all understand our own lense. The depth of that understanding will be determined on the amount of shadow work and integration we have done and whether we recognise or know our core pains. We all also like to hope we offer a compassionate response and understanding of the other party. Personally, this second perspective has hindered me in the past, as I have been eager to people please, so in that sense compassion was traded with hierarchy of needs, perfectionism and the fear of having faults. I thought I would only be loved by attending to others, leaving little space for myself and with an inability to even identify my needs.
The third; viewing a situation, event or other from the relationship perspective is something I have only learnt (with thanks to my therapist) recently. It means making decisions for the relationship, it is the grey bit in the middle. The meeting of needs, which is where strong, sincere and earnest relationships form. Relationships which are based with mutual respect, understanding and acceptance.
We can very easily be stuck in our own narrative; our own story. Our core pains can hinder us. We don't set boundaries. We repeat situations. Even when we do look at things from the other persons perspective; this can be over shadowed by mind-reading, guessing, our own core pains.
When we step our of our heads, we can take a more objective perspective. This allows us to truly ask ourselves; how we are showing up for the relationship, what are we doing for the relationship? Decisions become far easier and less emotionally involved. We step away from past experience, which often overshadows the present. It becomes easier to enforce boundaries (not walls), to state our own personal needs and to show up more authentically for ourselves and for the other party.
So, let me ask you now. What perspective do you take?